Take Two

So here I am again. I'm ready to start again, and thankfully this time I am truly in the right mindset and have the support at home I need. I've been wanting to get healthier and in honesty, I've wanted to lose weight and look like the person I feel I am. I guess I've been living with an delusional mindset thinking I was thinner than I was. Well, those thoughts came to a screeching halt when my friend sent me this picture. She sent it thinking it was cute, and I had an OMG, WTFreak moment.

June 2015

I was not happy with the person I saw in this photo. I seriously wanted to die. How could I allow myself to get this big? Sigh. I seriously went into seclusion after this picture. I knew I needed to lose weight but I really needed the support of my husband. I knew he was fixin to start a fitness challenge at work, so I decided to patiently wait until he was doing that to make the change.

So here I am the second day of August. Hubby has been doing his fitness challenge for the past 20ish days. I've been doing my best to support him by allowing him to get the protein drinks and vitamins that he has been wanting. I started tracking my food intake on the My Fitness Pal app and started controlling my portions and intake of sweets. I quit soda 2 months ago and have been trying to love water...key word trying....I hate water, so I add crystal light to it to help me gag it down. I started riding my unicycle and preparing myself physically and mentally for a parade that my family was participating in on July 25th. I honestly thought that since I was feeling better and having more energy that I was looking better on the outside. Then my mom posted this horrific picture from the parade

July 2015

Seriously? Could you get any more unflattering of a picture. I was embarrassed and felt defeated again....and to add insult to injury...or shall I say add injury to insult. Shortly after this photo was taken, I crashed and broke my left arm.....yep. After a trip to the ER and seeing that their scale showed my true weight. I died. I was emotionally depressed. Physically broken. And completely defeated. So I did what any normal human would do.....I consumed a box of Ding Dongs. I became content with being fat.

Then my most amazing husband, seeing the depression I was in, told me he didn't care about how big I was, he said I was perfect in his eyes. It was just the boost I needed. I also noticed the change in his body, he was losing serious inches and was more energetic. I gained my motivation back. I joined a Facebook group called Liquify Me. Its a support group of plus size photographers who use the photoshop Liquify tool to make themselves look skinnier in pictures. My first thought when I saw the unicycle photo above was....why didn't she let me fix it first and make me look more flattering? I've bonded with these ladies and its nice to know I'm not the only one who has moments of defeat.

I started taking my Truvision supplements again. They've helped me in the past to loose weight and I'm hoping they will help me jump start again. Seeing the amazing transformation in my hubby has me excited and scared. I have heard the horror stories of one spouse getting skinnier and leaving for someone skinnier. I'm not saying my husband would ever do that, but it's a worry in the back of my mind and part of my push to lose weight. For the first time in a long time I feel I can achieve this goal. I have a husband who works out with me and supports me emotionally. I know this is just the beginning of an amazing road and adventure to find myself and become the person on the outside that I feel I am on the inside.